I had one of my worst binges ever last night, was literally picking at food for 5 hours which resulted in me feeling so ill and bloated when I went to bed.  Was so scared that i'd told myself I wouldn't step on the scales till wednesday but couldn't resist this morning.  Good news is I hadn't gained anything and I had a good swim this morning so gonna get back on track, after all i felt so ill i really don't want to binge anymore.

I've also had to revise my goal weight as I'm never gonna make 98 by next sat so new GW1 is 103lbs by 31/01/09.

GW1 98 lbs (my LW) by 31/01/09
CW   105 lbs
7lbs to go.

I hate writing this but I am now 7 1/2  stone.  This is the heaviest I've been in over a year so it doesn't look like i'm gonna be 98lbs again by christmas (seen as thats tomorrow).  I just can't stop binging when it gets to about 10 o clock at night (and that means I can't burn it off before bed)  The thing is I totally lose control and feel like I could just keep on eating till the whole packet, bucket, etc has gone.  Plus there are just so many cakes and chocolates and crisps and ....... around the house. 
But I will start again from NOW.  I've already had 200cals for breakfast (cheerios and the last advent calander choc).  I'll have a salad/sandwich for dinner (about 200 cals) and soup for tea (max 200 cals) so hopefully not much over 600.  I haven't managed less than 1000 for ages (really need to start getting back into the 3 figures).  I just need to occupy myself this evening so I don't binge again. 
Tomorrows plan = load plate with veg and some turkey, as few of everything else as I can get away with.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

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Haven't been on in months.  When I was last on I was 98lbs now I'm 105!  What happened? Basically coming home from uni.  There's just so much food around and I can't resist - how weak and pathetic am I. 

Goal for christmas is to be back down to 98 or lower.

 

 Just thought I'd post my stats at the start of my last semester at uni EVER - how scary is that:

weight: 98lbs
BMI: 15.3
chest: 30", waist: 22", hips:32.5", thigh: 17.5"

This is my lowest ever and also my old UGW.  Am thinking i might aim for 90lbs now though i'm not really sure as i know i'm already way too thin so may just aim for a little weight loss before easter (5 wks) just so my coach at home comments, I love her and hate her for it.  Haven't had a period since the beginning of october which i consider to be a huge +ve.

I soooooo want to get a first, hopefully will get the christmas exam results next week (hope i did well, think i did).

I've never had a boyfriend (freak!) and this guy could so be my first boyfriend (i'm nearly 21 and have never had a boyfriend) but don't think i'll let it happen as can't have anything affecting my studies and am already freaking out about losing control over food.

I love to be on my owm and don't need anyone else (except my mum whoo i love and is probably my best friend) don't have any close friends, have people who i can call my friends but if i never saw them again and lived on my own at uni i would be perfrectly happy (infact i think i'd prefer it)

I can't wait to finish uni now so that all the work will be over but i still have no idea what i'm gonna do when i do finish, oh well it's not like i have any aims to get really high up in a company or anything, wouldn't want the responsibility.  One job i'd love is to be a model, though i never get round to actually sending of any applications.

I love writing this thing to myself as i've already said i'm a loner.

Bye bye for now : )

I haven't been on here in soooooooo long (coz i've been at home and can't risk going on this site there)  Anyway my last exam is tomorrow then i'm back at uni properly next week.  Won't post this on the community board as i won't reply (revising).  Anyway I have pretty much maintained for the last 1 1/2 months minus a few xmas lbs gained and LOST.  So I am currently 98lbs and whatever I do i just won't go below 7 stone.  Just a quickie now i'm off too bed (gotta get up early to revise for this last exam)  Yippee for 5.30 tomorrow when all the hard work will have been worth it, night night

Yay, so happy and ready to go home and I don't have to come back to uni until 25th Jan :D

Only thing that's not good is the amount of tempting food that is gonna be around over the holiday

Also don't know how often i'll be able to come on here as I don't wanna get caught and there is also the issue of the internet history!

I'm loving christmas (wearing christmassy earings now : ) )

Why can't people just leave me alone?  
I don't want to be sociable.
I'm perfectly happy staying in my room and working.
In fact I prefer it to going out.
I sooooo badly want to do well this year.
And people are just stopping me working by trying to be nice.
I'm so mean.
But I am just not interested in having a boyfriend.
Never have been.
My mum is like my best friend, I do everything with her.
And I'd choose to.
Who needs friends when I'm perfectly happy on my own.
Does this make me totally weird?

The title says it all

The result 102/103 lbs
I was so close to my goal and now I am fat and can't get out of this binge mode, bleurgh